The Gold Standard
by jaceandclaryforever
Summary: Dimtri is musing over what he really wants for his life and his love life which leads to some saddening decisions that will wrench hearts apart. One Shot.


The Gold Standard

Sometimes we forget who we are when we're supposed to be someone else. Sometimes we forget what we want when we're supposed to want someone else. Sometimes we forget who we love when we're supposed to love someone else; love someone else; someone else.

_Sometimes I wanna quit this song and become an accountant now__  
__But I'm no good at math and besides the dollar is down__  
__Plant palm trees on Lake Michigan before it gets cold__  
__I gotta feel the wind chill again before I get old_

I lay on my bed, thinking about my life. What did I really want with my life? I know I'm supposed to be a guardian and whatnot, but is that really how I wanted to live my life? Protect Moroi until I die by strigoi or old age? Whichever came first? Grow to love a Moroi, have kids with her and continue my race's existence? If that was the real purpose of life, life was pretty screwed up.

Then there's rose. Sigh. My Roza. Where does she come in with all this? How could I love a Moroi the way I love her. It'll be a huge lie to the poor Moroi. Could I go on deceiving myself until it becomes the truth? I learnt when I was younger that if you repeat something too many times, it doesn't mean anything anymore. Yet, everytime I say I love Roza, it never gets old. In fact, it gets a lot stronger. My love for her was like a cup overflowing, unceasing.

_I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs__  
__But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me__  
__You can only blame your problems on my world for so long__  
__Before it all becomes the same old song__  
__As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town__  
__And get new passports and get get get get get out now__  
_

I wanted her to be mine forever. I wanted her to be the one lay down with and wake up to. I wanted her to be the one who would be there through my sadness and joys. I wanted her to be with me when I collapsed and when I rose up. I wanted to tie myself with her in every possible way. And when I die, I wanted her to be with me. I love her. There's no denying. I love her, and I will love her until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love her then.

_All the yes men said no comment__  
__My mouth got going wrong way and all the calls started to roll in__  
__The time my dad caught me a horse shoe crab__  
__And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back___

_I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs__  
__But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me__  
__You can only blame your problems on my world for so long__  
__Before it all becomes the same old song__  
__As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town__  
__And get new passports get out now_

I want to shout my love to her from the top of the world, making sure that everyone will know. I want to be able to give her everything she wants and the only tears she'll cry for me is of joy. I want to be able to protect her from everything else in this world. Strigoi, people… Adrian. Don't get me wrong, Adrian is a nice guy once you get over the bad reputation, but he was after my girl. My girl. My Roza.

_Tell that boy I leave you alone__  
__Like a stove, I turn my love__  
__The Supra and the Prophit are both in the business of souls__  
_

But my life destroyed everything I wanted, and replaced it with everything THEY wanted. So maybe it's time to choose. Will I let go of all I've worked for in the last few years of my life, with blood, pain and tears, for my love? How do I let go? What if I destroy any chance my Roza has of attaining her dreams? Will I be selfish to ask her to come away from this world with me? Will she say yes? What about Vasilissa? Maybe I should leave... it'll be better for everyone, except me. Maybe I need to sacrifice this for Rose. I need to. For rose. Roza. I hope she will move on with her life. With his resolve set, Dimitri fell asleep dreaming about rose and what could happen. The next morning, he would move off to become Tasha's guardian, but never once will he ever put Tasha over rose, never once will her stop caring about rose, never once will he forget Roza...

I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs  
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me  
Woah I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs  
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me  
You can only blame your problems on my world for so long  
Before it all becomes the same old song  
As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town  
(I know we're gonna leave this town)  
And get new passports and get get get get get out now  
Get get get get get out now 

Goodnight my love… don't forget me. When sorry isn't enough, know you'll always be enough for me…


End file.
